Having our first baby boy on March 17th ... My head isn't showing in this picture because I made sure David didn't put it in the picture. There are very few pictures of me as a pregnant lady with any of my kids (most of which that are in existence are photos on other people's cameras) because I HATE how I look when I'm pregnant!
This is one of Kyler's newborn pictures I took when he was about 6 weeks old. Don't worry, I'll spare you having to look at any gooey, messy, day of delivery baby photos. ;)
Another big event that happened (which is still in the works), is we are building a new house and moving to American Fork. The build should be done around Marchish. We are SO excited about this!
Honestly, other than these 2 events, 2011 can be summed up in one word ... UNPRODUCTIVE!!!!!
Which brings me to why I'm so excited to start a new year and make it SOOOOOO much better than 2011!
First off, let me give you a little background on who I used to be before I got pregnant with Katelyn a few years back ...
I used to be a CLEAN FREAK. People would always comment on how ridiculously clean my house was - and I loved it! Everything was always in it's place. Everything was always scrubbed. Everything looked perfect. Everything was organized. Anything sitting on a counter or table (even if only temporarily there - like the mail, for example) sat at a square angle. I spent HOURS scrubbing the house and could finish it all in one night AND I would stay up til the wee hours of the morning just to finish it all, so it could all be perfectly scrubbed and clean at the same time.
I used to cook REAL meals regularly. I'm not talking ramen noodles, hamburger helper, cereal, or corn dogs. They were REAL meals. I had a schedule - Mon/Wed/Fri I cooked. The days in between that, we ate left overs. And Sundays we usually ate with family.
I used to do projects like crafts, scrap booking, decorating, card making, etc. And I ALWAYS completed the projects I started.
I used to have FUN. I went out with friends, jogged all summer long, went on date nights, had people over, went to people's houses, participated in play groups, I smiled and laughed and not just because it was the socially acceptable thing to do at times - it was because I FELT like smiling and laughing, played the fiddle, went shopping, read books, painted my nails more than once a year, ... I DID THINGS.
So, there's a little background on me.
Then I got pregnant with Katelyn and things ever so slowly started changing. To make a long story short, I've never felt the same since before that pregnancy and it just kept getting worse over the years.
Here's a little background on my life now ...
My house is almost always A MESS. AND I ABSOLUTELY, 100% HATE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I thought about taking a picture and posting it in this blog post, but decided I had a little more self respect than that, lol. Only a couple "special" family and friends have had the privilege of seeing our disaster zone we call a home. You know who you are! I wipe off the counters and table and I feel like my energy is spent, so I take a break before moving onto the next thing ... I frequently don't move on to the next thing. The laundry basket is always full. DON'T WORRY, the house does always eventually get picked up, but it's messed up again by the next day ... Anyway, I won't go into anymore detail on this subject. This subject bothers me.
Sometimes I cook and sometimes I don't. The latter of those two seems to dominate.
I don't do projects or crafts or anything. I still have Kyler's baby blanket that I still need to finish the binding on (which I did out of necessity, not fun. I couldn't have him be the only child without a baby blanket.). I'm at least 3 years behind on my scrapbook. I have difficulty finishing things that I start.
I almost never do anything for fun. If I start jogging, I can keep it up for maybe 2-3 weeks and then it stops for months. I do take the kids places that they like to go - like thanksgiving point, the aquarium, the library park in American Fork, etc. But that's about the extent of fun things in our house and about 99.9% of the time I go alone (just me and the kids). Other than birthday parties, I think we had people over to our house for a fun night only once or twice in 2011. I didn't read any books. We rarely went out and did something fun as a family. I can count the number of date nights we went on, on one hand ... I could still count the number of date nights on one hand if I were missing one or two fingers. Fun things felt like work. You get the point.
Although I knew what I was going through - IT JUST DIDN'T SEEM TO FIT. The word that describes it is like a swear word to me, for some reason. D-E-P-R-E-S-S-E-D. I hate that word. I hate feeling that word. I hate watching TV with my husband and seeing him stare at me in the corner of my eye every time a Cymbalta commercial comes on (yes, David, I see that. I'm not blind.). How could that describe how I was, how I AM feeling?? Things are GREAT in our lives. Ya, the kids can be a handful - but other than that ... nothing in my life is going wrong. It was manageable until I got pregnant with Kyler. WOW did our lives turn upside down with that pregnancy. I kept thinking, "once I give birth, everything will be ok again" ... but it wasn't. I was more comfortable and less fat, but everything else stayed the same.
A few weeks ago I decided to go to the doctor. Honestly, I WOULD NOT HAVE GONE if it wasn't for the fact that we had reached our deductible for the year by having a baby in March. Dumb, I know. But I HATE going to the doctor. And even worse, I hate PAYING to go to the doctor. I feel like unless I have an obvious illness that needs antibiotics they never know what's wrong or they say "come back when it happens again" ... ya, like that one ever works. Or they want to write you a prescription for your symptoms without even testing to see what's actually wrong. Sorry, I'm not the long-term medication type. I'm a healthy person, why would I stuff myself with drugs to fix a problem and then have the medication cause all kinds of other problems?? That's not how you fix things, in my opinion.
Anyway, so I saw the doctor ... He ran some tests. My vitamin D was low, so he wrote me a prescription for vitamin D pills. I'm now on birth control pills to regulate my cycle. And they found that my body was eating it's own muscle and he said it's because I don't have enough animal fat in my diet. He told me to eat more bacon - haha, don't hear a doctor say that everyday! I'm also starting a special diet that he's having me try - part of which includes taking grains out of my diet (that's not going to be easy. I love my wheat bread. I like eating bran flakes for breakfast. I LOVE toast. I could be told to give up ANYTHING in my diet and be ok with it, but grains are my weakness.)
So ... I'm feeling some differences. David and I watched a movie about a week ago and I laughed out loud several times. Usually I think things are funny in my head, but there isn't really an outward reaction. I'm finding that things irritate me a little less. Some days I have more energy. I'm sure things will only continue to get better.
WITH THAT SAID, here's my opinion on things ...
I think that fixing the physical things that are wrong with me is only a SMALL step to getting me back to how I used to be (or better). I think it's a very IMPORTANT step, but it's only the beginning. I think that after so long of feeling a certain way, it's caused certain habits to be formed. No medication or diet is going to fix that. Only I can fix that. Which brings me back to goals for 2012 ...
I've decided to make my theme for 2012, "Live like you mean it". I got this theme from the lyrics to a Goo Goo Dolls song, that was redone by Boyce Avenue. The song is called "Before It's Too Late". I had heard the Goo Goo Dolls version many times before and never really listened to the lyrics. It was always just an overplayed song on the radio to me. But, I LOVE the version Boyce Avenue does of it. You should look it up on You Tube. It's one of their earlier videos, so the video quality really stinks, but the song still sounds great. Here are the lyrics ...
I wandered through fiction to look for the truth
Buried beneath all the lies.
And I stood at a distance to feel who you are
Hiding myself in your eyes.
And hold on before it's too late.
We'll run 'til we leave this behind.
Don't fall, just be who you are
It's all that we need in our lives.
And the risk that might break you's
The one that would save
A life you don't live is still lost.
So stand on the edge with me.
Hold back your fear and see
Nothing is real 'til it's gone.
Hold on before it's too late.
We'll run 'til we leave this behind.
Don't fall, just be who you are
It's all that we need in our lives.
Live like you mean it.
Love 'til you feel it.
Its all that we need in our lives.
So stand on the edge with me.
Hold back your fear and see.
Nothing is real 'til its gone.
Hold on before its too late.
Until we leave this behind.
Don't fall just be who you are.
Its all that we need in our lives.
Hold on before its too late.
Until we leave this behind.
Don't fall just be who you are.
Its all that we need in our lives.
Its all that we need in our lives.
Its all that I need in my life.
I'm tired of just surviving. It's time to start LIVING. I think we lie to ourselves way too often by telling ourselves "there's always tomorrow", or "I'll do better tomorrow", or "I'll take care of that tomorrow", tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow. THERE IS NO GUARANTEE THERE WILL EVER BE A TOMORROW. I've noticed over this last year A LOT of people posting on facebook blogs of friends and family who have lost a loved one. Mothers, Fathers, Children ... all in tragic accidents. I'm sure they never woke up that morning and knew what was coming. When I read their story on their blogs, it brings me tears. The thoughts that always cross my mind are, "I wonder if they felt ready? I wonder if they feel like they lived life to its fullest? I wonder if they got take the time to hug and kiss their family that day and tell them they love them? I wonder if they had a fun day spent together before it happened? ..."
Things need to start happening TODAY. Changes need to start happening TODAY. TOMORROW just might be too late.
So my theme for 2012 is "Live Like You Mean IT".
I've separated it into 2 sections:
1. Organize
2. Live
I personally can't do one without the other. I won't go into all the details of HOW I'm going to do this on this blog post, but in 2012 my life will be organized. I will have a schedule. And that schedule is not going to take time away from me, it will GIVE me time. It's kind of like packing a suitcase for a trip. If you throw all of your clothes, shoes, clean up stuff and everything all wadded in at once, there's no way it will all fit. But if you take the time to fold it and organize it and put it in all the different pockets - it will fit perfectly and you'll probably even have room to bring back some souvenirs with you.
I'm going to organize, so I can live.
I'm going to have my life back.
I'm going to have FUN.
I'm going to enjoy life with my kids while they are still young (and when they get older, too).
I'm going to have time for MYSELF.
I'm going to stop living for tomorrow and start living for today.
I'M GOING TO LIVE LIKE I MEAN IT!!!
Happy New Year, everyone!! It's going to be a GREAT year!!
P.S. I've decided to make my blog posts my scrapbook from now on, and just print my blog. I actually didn't take many pictures over the last year or so, just because I felt it would put me further and further behind on my scrapbook and make me feel even more stressed out about being behind (stupid, I know). So now I won't be getting more behind anymore, I'll just have the last 3 years to get caught up on the old way. So watch for more posts to come! I'm thinking I'll post on Sundays.
